


Conversations

by EdwardsMate4ever



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Canon Compliant, Developing Friendships, F/M, Family History, Post-Breaking Dawn, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:22:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27385633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdwardsMate4ever/pseuds/EdwardsMate4ever
Summary: Jacob Black has imprinted on Renesmee, but he realizes he knows nothing about her father, Edward. He feels that to truly know his reason for living, he must also know her father's past. Rated T for some language. Jacob POV
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. Acceptance

Conversations  
Chapter One - Acceptance

It was a week ago that the Volturi had left with their tails between their legs. It had been constant tension in the lives of the vampires and wolves alike for so long that it hardly felt normal that we could just be. Of course, it was cool that I didn't have to worry about such dire things anymore, but I did have a few worries still. I worried that Nessie wouldn't choose me when she grew up - that was a big one. I wanted her to be with me always, but if she chose a different husband, I would have to settle for being her best friend - a role I was all too familiar with. God, I hoped she would choose me. My other worry was not to think those kind of thoughts around her father, which was difficult, since I could hardly be apart from Nessie for more than a few hours, so he was always around.

Edward and I had an awkward history. We started out as enemies. I couldn't really blame him, seeing as I thought I was desperately in love with his current wife, and had done everything in my power to break them up. I had hated that leech with all of my being for dazzling Bella and convincing her to give up her humanity. Or, that's how I saw it at the time, even though Bella constantly insisted that it was her choice. Then came the wedding invitation, which I knew came with the promise of Bella's heart ceasing to beat. That caused me to lose most of my sanity and run the woods as a wolf for a few months. When I finally got up the nerve to show up to the wedding, for Bella's sake, and I learned that he was going to make it a _real_ honeymoon, I really lost it. I felt like I got hit with a ton of bricks - not just because he was planning on sticking his monster dick inside my beautiful Bella, although that certainly turned my stomach, but also because he would probably kill her in the process.

When I heard they had returned from their honeymoon and my dad told me that Charlie said she had some crazy disease, my hatred grew to depths I didn't know possible. I ran to the Cullen house, expecting to find Bella with cold skin and red eyes, but instead I found her PREGNANT and looking near death. As much as I wanted to tear Edward to pieces and light his bits on fire, we became unlikely allies when he explained that he didn't want the creature either. So, I put my strongest shreds of hatred aside, again for Bella, always for Bella, and worked with Edward to try to convince her to get rid of the fetus. We became enemies again when he heard the thing's thoughts from inside the womb and decided to love it after all, and allies once again when Bella was dying from the birth of that wretched leech monster.

I shudder now when I think of how much I hated Renesmee at the time. I simply can no longer fathom how I ever had any negative feelings for her. I can only take solace in the fact that I just didn't know, and hope it never came up in the future. I was pretty sure it wouldn't. No one liked to talk about that time, and Nessie would only be hurt by the knowledge, I'm sure.

So, here we were, the past the past, sitting next to Edward on the couch with Nessie in my lap, alternating playing peek-a-boo with her. Never in my wildest imaginings would I have pictured this, but there we were. Edward reached for his daughter, and I reluctantly passed her to him.

He cooed at her, "Do you want to hear some music, Ness?"

She clapped her tiny hands in excitement. He grinned and sat her in his lap on the piano bench, and started playing one of her favorite songs - "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. She sang along with him in her bell-like baby voice, and I couldn't help but grin at her happiness.

_I'm gonna run with the pack,_ I thought at Edward.

He glanced over and nodded at me, smiling warmly. I was still kind of taken aback by his easy acceptance of me. I gave Ness a quick kiss on the top of the head and assured her I'd be back soon.

I phased when I reached the tree line, but not to hang out with my pack. I ignored the thoughts of Seth and Leah, keeping my mind blank, and ran until I was a safe distance away from Edward's mind. Then I phased back and sat on a boulder at the edge of a stream. I needed to think without anyone hearing me.

I felt as though I was in a bit of a quandry. Nessie was my imprint. I loved her with all of my being and more. I could never be apart from her, nor would I want to be. But that meant I would never be apart from any of the Cullens. Not that that was a bad thing, I had grown accustomed to them, and I even kind of liked them. Alice was a cool chick. She took to me because I had helped her with her headaches during the particularly bad times. I didn't really know her that well though, since she had left to save us all right when I was starting to really hang around a lot. Her man Jasper was kind of an intense guy, quiet - kept to himself mostly. Emmett was fun - he was so easygoing, and we bonded the best over sports and video games. There was absolutely nothing to hate about Esme - she was just a mom through and through. She made sure me and my pack were fed, clothed and comfortable - just total acceptance and love coursing through her. Carlisle I trusted the most. He had a strong character and he always knew the right thing to say, it seemed. And he took care of me when I was so badly hurt in the newborn war without a second thought. Yeah, Carlisle was a good guy. Rosalie. Oh, Rosalie. As much as I love to hate on her, she kind of grew on me. We tease each other constantly of course, but we have a mutual respect for each other due to our love for Renesmee.

Obviously, I know everything there is to know about Bella, and we have remained close friends since her change and my imprint, once she got used to the idea of me imprinting on her daughter. I couldn't really blame her - I mean, I had once been passionately in love with her, kissed her, fantasized about making love to her, and now I just dropped all of that in favor of a baby. Thank God she understands imprinting and that I'm not having sexual fantasies about her infant. Actually, thank Quil. If it hadn't been for him and Claire, I don't think Bella would have understood, and I would surely have been vampire food.

So, that only left Edward. Enemies, cautious allies, enemies, acceptance. All of the thoughts I ever had about him were tied to Bella's well being. I honestly didn't know a single thing about him. He knew everything about me of course, damned mind reader. But I knew absolutely nothing. I didn't even know how old he was.

Something in my gut told me that was wrong. Nessie was my everything. I knew her mother through and through. But her father - hell, I only know his whole name because it was printed on the wedding invitation. I needed to know more about the father of my everything. But I felt weird asking him questions about himself, since he obviously wasn't interested in volunteering anything to me.

I felt more comfortable with the other leeches. If I could get them alone, maybe I could ask them some questions about his life. I decided I would start easy, with the one I trusted the most. I knew I could ask anything I wanted without having to mask it as a real conversation - it could be clinical almost. An Edward information summit.

My decision made, I was getting hungry, so I phased and ran back to the house. It seemed pretty quiet. There was a plate of food out on the counter for me with a note next to it.

_Hi Jake,  
Esme made you some dinner. If it’s cold when you return, just pop it in the microwave for 2 and a half minutes. Edward and I took Nessie back to the cabin, and everyone else went hunting for the night. We should all return around 9am. Feel free to crash in the house and use the computer, or tv, or shower - anything you like. And don't freak out if you hear the door at around 5:30am - that's when Carlisle returns from the hospital.  
Love Bella_

Well, this couldn't be more perfect, I thought as I tucked into the still warm steak and mashed potatoes. I'll just set an alarm and be waiting for Carlisle to come home.  
I took a quick shower, trying to collect my thoughts and think of the right questions to ask, and also worrying a little that Carlisle might be offended by my sudden line of questioning. I shook my head at that. Nah, if anything, the good doctor will relish the chance to impart some knowledge on me. After all, he does consider me part of the family now, right?


	2. Carlisle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd. I don't own Twilight.

Conversations

Carlisle

Jake POV

The sound of Carlisle’s Mercedes pulling into the drive woke me from my fitful slumber. Have you ever tried to sleep before an early morning flight, but you couldn’t because of the anticipation for your trip and the paranoia of possibly sleeping through your alarm? That’s how my sleep was, anticipating the Doc’s return. I don’t know what made me so nervous. Maybe it was the idea that Edward would ultimately find out that I was asking around about him. But I had to shove those feelings aside. I needed to know about him and the rest of them, if I was going to spend my life in Nessie’s company. Surely, he could understand that.

I sat up on the couch as Carlisle pulled into the garage and shut off the engine. When the front door opened, I stood to face him. Placing his keys in the bowl by the door, he gave me a warm smile. "Good morning, Jacob. Did I wake you?"

"Eh, not really. I was kind of waiting for you."

Carlisle cocked his head to the side, his blond hair falling into his eyes. He swept it back, and replied, "Oh? What for?"

"Just wanted to talk."

“Mmm, ok. And we are alone?"

"Yup. Edward and Bella took Nessie home to the cottage and the rest are out hunting. Esme made me an awesome steak dinner before she left though," I added for good measure. Couldn’t hurt to butter him up a little.

He smiled at that, happy with my appreciation for his kind-hearted wife. " Well, let's go into my study and we'll talk."

I followed him up the stairs to his study and watched as he situated himself behind his large, ornate desk, which was piled with books and stationary. He looked the picture of ease even though he had no idea what I wanted to discuss with him.

“So, what can I do for you, Jacob?” He asked serenely.

I took the chair he indicated, nerves fluttering in my belly. “Er, well, this might sound kind of weird, but I had a few questions."

“About?” He prompted patiently.

I chewed my lip for a moment. This was strange. Why was I sitting here in Carlisle's study, about to ask him about his vampire son? I didn't really plan out what to say beforehand, like a short sighted idiot. Now here I was, the benevolent head vamp watching me with the patience of a saint. Guess there was no way to make it not sound weird, so might as well be out with it.

"Uh, I know this is kinda out of left field, but I wanted to know a little bit about Edward. I don't really know anything about him, and now that I imprinted on his daughter, I thought maybe I should.”

Carlisle smiled a little and steepled his fingers. "Sounds reasonable. Why have you not asked him whatever questions you have?" 

I snorted. "Like he'd tell me anything. He hates me."

Carlisle tutted. “Oh, Jacob, that isn't true. I don't think he ever hated you. I just think he was jealous that you were in love with Bella."

“Or so we all thought.”

“Right. Well, what about Bella? You two are close. Why not ask her?”

I huffed. "Bella looks at Edward with rose-colored glasses. I'm not interested in hearing her gush about him being a loving husband. I want to know what he's really like, the Edward you and the others know.” 

Carlisle thought about what I said, and in the ensuing silence, I thought he might not feel comfortable telling me anything about Edward. Sighing, he finally spoke after what felt like an eternity. "Jacob, in good conscience, I can't reveal Edward's life to you without his permission."

My shoulders sagged a bit at the realization I'd pegged Carlisle's silence correctly.

"However, I have no such reservations about telling you a story about my own past, which he played a big part in. Are you comfortable? It's a bit of a long story."

I chuckled, but sat back in the chair, making sure I was in fact comfortable if Carlisle was warning me this would take a while. He mimicked my posture and began his tale.

“By the turn of the century, I’d been a solitary vampire for over two hundred years. Not uncommon for our kind to be nomadic, but the reason I was alone was not because I didn’t want company. It was because I valued human life, and no one else of my kind did. I tried to make friends, and I made some very dear ones, but none who could share in my fundamental ideals.”

“Other vampires didn’t understand you.”

“Precisely. Even when I was surrounded by vampires, like when I stayed with the Volturi for a time, I still felt alone. Like nobody really saw me.”

Carlisle looked away and sighed, then looked back at me, as though he was unsure of what he wanted to say next. I gave him an encouraging nod and he went on.

“I longed for a companion to share my life with. Who saw me for who I was, accepted and agreed with me, choosing to respect human life, the very species from which we are derived!” His voice was emphatic, and his eyes were unfocused, like he was reliving the past as he spoke of it. “I have met many vampires in my time. I appeared to be the only so-called vegetarian,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “The only way to get a companion was to make one and hope they would agree to my way of life. If not, I’d let them go on their way, after teaching them how to be a discreet vampire, of course. But I couldn’t do that. It was immoral to turn another person and condemn them to eternal life as a vampire. I was resigned to being alone.”

Carlisle sighed and leaned back in his chair, in full memory mode now, and I knew he was ready to talk about Edward. I leaned back in my chair as well, hoping it would make him feel more comfortable. It seemed to.

“In the year 1918, I was working as a doctor in Chicago, Illinois. A pandemic descended on the world, and it didn’t just prey on the weak, no, it went for the strong and able-bodied too. It was the Spanish flu, brought home from the war. A lot of bright futures were snuffed out. It was a very trying time to be a doctor. A lot of death that couldn’t be prevented.” He paused again, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck. I wondered at the action, knowing it didn’t actually do anything for him, but he was so acclimated to humans that he did it automatically. It was fascinating.

“That was when I met Edward, dying on a hospital bed, his mother in the bed beside him and his father already passed. The two of them were in terrible shape. They weren’t going to make it.” Carlisle shuddered as he remembered, and I felt kinda guilty for making him remember something that was obviously painful for him. I was about to apologize, tell him he didn’t have to go on, but he spoke again before I could say anything. 

“I was inexplicably drawn to the two of them. Even though I had many patients to attend to, I found myself circling back to them often. On the last night of her life, Elizabeth grasped my wrist and her eyes were lucid, which they hadn’t been for the past 24 hours. She beseeched me to save her son. ‘To do everything in your power,’ she said. Then, the light went out from her eyes and she was gone. Had she seen through the facade and known I was something other than human? I’ll never know. She had known I had a way I could save him, though not likely a way she could have ever dreamt of. I remember looking at Edward and thinking what a terrible waste, this boy on the brink of branching out and starting a life of his own. How sad for it to be cut short. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think he was my Singer, like Bella was Edward’s Singer, which made him all the more compelling to me.”

“Singer?”

“A human whose blood calls to you more than most.”

“Ah.” Singer, huh. There was a word for it. It seemed crazy to me that Edward would be able to be so close to Bella and not drink her if her blood was that potent. Apparently even Carlisle couldn’t resist his Singer. I had to hand it to Edward, the guy had a strong will. 

“Anyway, I was lonely, and Edward was as good as dead. If I left him there, or tried to afford myself time to think it over, he would die. If I failed to change him, it wouldn’t matter. There was no saving him from death. I couldn’t ask him if he wanted this, he was too far gone. I didn’t have time to think about any ramifications. For Edward, it was vampirism or death. So I took him and his mother to the morgue, and stole him out the back door.”

He chuckled suddenly, which confused me until I realized my mouth was hanging open. I smiled sheepishly; the image of Carlisle running through the night with a practically dead Edward in his arms was surprising and a little unnerving. It must have shown on my face, because he gave an embarrassed smile. “Like I said,” he shrugged, “there was no time to think. The run home was frightening, afraid I might be seen. But it was the middle of the night and Chicago was practically a ghost town amid the pandemic, so I made it home without being noticed. Once I had him inside, I bit him before his heart could stop. Somehow I was able to stop drinking his blood and let the venom spread.” He smiled widely then, and moved to lean his forearms on the desk, steepling his fingers. “Obviously, I succeeded.”

I smiled with him. “Wow, that’s wild. So, what happened when he woke up?”

Carlisle’s smile evaporated and his arms relaxed back on the desk. He sat still as a statue for a moment. It was rare to see Carlisle acting like a vampire, and it was really weird. But I also felt kinda...I don’t know...grateful? Like he was comfortable enough with me to let the human charade drop sometimes.

“I don’t know how much he would appreciate me telling you,” he said finally. “Suffice it to say, were it not for his telepathy, I might not be here today.”

“Like, he tried to kill you?!” I blurted out, shocked.

Doc shook his head. “No, but I think he would have tried to kill me had he not been able to read my mind, to see what happened with his mother and know I wasn’t a traditional vampire. He could see my intentions were good. But he did not want to be a soulless monster, as he refers to us. There was a lot of anger and resentment in the beginning. I was lucky he could read my thoughts, and it wasn’t too long before he was able to find some things he liked about this life. It was easy for him to remember that humans are people with lives and families because he could read their thoughts. So it wasn’t hard to teach Edward my diet, because he already didn’t want to feed from humans.”

I was having an epiphany here. It never occurred to me that Edward, the filthy bloodsucker who stole my girl, never actually killed any humans. I figured that all newborns slipped and ate a few humans along the way. I guess it was a testament to his level of control, made obvious by his relationship with Bella, which had required a ridiculous amount of control - and he’d been able to manage it. I was actually kinda awed. 

Carlisle seemed to realize my mind had wandered and waited until I looked at him again. He smiled before continuing his story. “Edward and I shared a philosophy and some similar interests, and we became fast friends. It was easy, living with Edward. I never had to utter a word!” We both laughed. “But Edward still suffered. He struggled with what he had become, what I’d turned him into. He also struggled with wanting the independence to be his own man, as he was on the cusp of doing in his human life. He was seventeen, and the world was within his grasp.” He shook his head sadly. “I never stopped to consider the ramifications of turning a person at that age. There were some contentious, emotionally volatile times.”

Raking a hand through his blond hair, Carlisle leaned back in his chair again. “As the family grew, the more distant Edward became. He did seek his independence for a time after Esme and I married, not wanting to be the third wheel, but he returned eventually. Then Rosalie joined us, then Emmett. When those two paired off, he became the fifth wheel. When Alice and Jasper joined us decades later, he became the seventh wheel. Always alone, and yet never alone. Not even alone in his own mind. Privy to everyone else’s happy and contented thoughts, perfectly matched couples. It must have been tantamount to torture to be surrounded by those kinds of thoughts constantly. Most of us try not to think of it around him, though there are slip-ups. Some of us tend to enjoy making Edward uncomfortable, though. I won’t name names, ahem.”

We both smiled and said, “Emmett,” simultaneously before Carlisle went on.

“Esme thought maybe he was turned too young and that’s why he had trouble finding a mate. But I knew better than that. He’s seventeen! He’s in his sexual prime for eternity!”

We both laughed heartily, appreciating the moment of humor. Things were getting a little dark. I felt bad that Edward had to go through all that for ninety years or however long.

“Kinda makes sense why he’s always so angsty and serious.”

“Yeah. I never thought it was lack of desire, per se. It was the mind-reading. Romance needs mystery. You don’t want to know your lover’s every thought. We all think bad things about each other sometimes. I was running out of hope that Edward would ever find someone whose mind he could tolerate. And then, Bella came along. Yes, Bella is a perfect partner for Edward. An old soul with a closed mind.”

We sat in silent reflection for a few moments. Now that Renesmee was apart from Bella, I could see more clearly that she and Edward were well-matched. And Bella had taken to vampirism so naturally, it was as though it was written in the stars, and somehow, my map of stars got entwined with theirs. It was a strange and twisted journey, but all that pain had brought me right where I needed to be to fulfill my own destiny.

Carlisle broke the silence. “Edward was always meant for something more, even though he was forced to wait so long to attain it. May his new life be all the more richer for it.”

I nodded and stood, understanding that there wasn’t more to say, and ready to work all this over in my head. “Thanks for talking with me. It was cool to hear the whole backstory, ya know?” 

Carlisle smiled. “Of course! It was my pleasure.” I turned to leave, but he stopped me when he spoke again. “Jacob, I’m happy Renesmee has you. I’ve always felt you were a loyal and trustworthy person, and you wanting to learn more about your former enemy is indicative of that. Besides, it makes sense to find out about your future father-in-law-for-eternity!” He barely contained his amusement.

“Er, thanks, Carlisle.”

Closing the door behind me, I decided to leave before the others returned to the house. I needed to turn over this new information in my mind, and plan how to approach the other vampires for their own points of view on Edward.

Xxxxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: 
> 
> Well, that’s Carlisle done! This fic, as my faithful readers know, is not the norm for me. I’m usually not one to stick to canon, and everybody knows I just want Ed and Jake to be together! LOL. But I haven’t written anything in ages, and I’ve been very depressed this year. Twilight fanfiction has boosted my spirits, and this little fic exercise is my attempt at getting back in the swing of things. I warn you, this probably isn’t my best work. I hope it will encourage me to write more in the Consequence of Heat series, with Seth discovering they are non-binary, and also to complete Cast Aside. Your words of encouragement would do wonders for my motivation and hopefully for my mental health too! Thank you for reading!!
> 
> Now, whose conversation do you want to see next? I have a premise for everyone except Esme at the moment, but Rosalie’s can’t come next. At least one other chapter has to come before hers does. Who do you want to see? Let me know!


	3. Chapter 3 - The Gifted Ones

Conversations  
Chapter 3  
The Gifted Ones

After my talk with Carlisle, I decided to get out of the house. Everyone else was gone, and it felt weird to hang out alone in the living room with Carlisle still in his study. Awkward. So, I was going to see my dad and have breakfast with him. It had been a while since I'd last gone home. As I opened the front door, I glanced back at the clock. 7:33 am. Carlisle had gotten home at 5:30. It didn’t feel like we had talked that long.

I stepped into the yard and shed my shorts, affixing them to my leg. Letting the wolf take over, my bones realigned and fur sprouted. When my massive paws hit the ground, I started running for my dad’s house. No other wolves were phased. We had little reason to patrol anymore, and most of us just tried to live a normal life, only occasionally going for a run for the fun of it. I was the only one who had a reason to keep doing it. Well, me and Quil. Since I was alone in my mind, I let my thoughts wander.

I was on a mission now. I needed to be everything I could possibly be for Ness, and that meant learning about her father’s history, and maybe starting to care about him, to understand what he’s about. The two of us had a lot of negative history...it was hard to reconcile those former murderous thoughts with the new goal of becoming family. Edward seemed relatively okay with me; then again, he was the victor in our feud. But I had to get myself to a place where I saw Edward more as an actual person than as a cardboard cutout villain. I didn’t want to live forever with resentment and awkwardness. I wanted to understand him. Bella chose immortality for this guy. He must have some redeeming qualities, right? The talk with Carlisle solidified my goal. It was a good foundation, and had been way more interesting than I thought it’d be. And frankly, I learned a whole lot about Carlisle too, which was unanticipated and kinda great. 

As I got closer to the border, that acrid, sickly sweet stench filled my sensitive wolf nose, and I recoiled automatically, even though I recognized the scents. It was Alice and Jasper. There were no other vampire scents in the area, so they were alone. It would be a perfect time to approach them, since we were far from the Cullen house and the other vamps. Dad would be awake soon, but he didn’t know I was coming, so it didn’t matter when I showed up. When would I get these two alone again? Now was the time, and I vowed to spend the rest of the day with my dad.

I followed the pair’s scents to the tree line, where I knew the Quilayute River ran not far past the forest’s edge. Breaking through the trees, I spotted them in the water, locked in a tight embrace. The sun glinted off their naked shoulders, and I swiftly turned my back. Oops, I guess I should have figured there was a reason they were alone together. Before I could run off in my embarrassment, Alice shouted, “Hey, Jake! Wait!” I stopped in my tracks and my ears swiveled back in their direction as I listened to water sloshing and the rustle of clothes being pulled on. While they dressed, I took the opportunity to phase and pull my shorts on; I couldn’t exactly talk to them in my wolf form, could I?

When I turned back, the two of them were dressed and the only evidence of their little river escapade was their dampened hair. And Jasper's satisfied expression. Gross. I could feel his lingering pleasure leaking into the atmosphere and fought against feeling it myself. I wasn't too successful.

Feeling my internal struggle, Jasper chuckled and the unwanted feeling dissipated. “Sorry you found us like that, Jacob.” 

“No, uh, it’s ok, man. My fault...I should have turned tail when I scented you.”

“Nonsense!” Alice cried. “We knew you were coming. I saw a blank spot in our future if we came this way, so here we are! We got a little bored while we waited for you, that’s all.”

“It didn’t help that we passed Edward and Bella out on a hunt on our way here.”

Alice leaned in conspiratorially. “An abandoned hunt.” 

“They were having a rather...erotic experience,” Jasper felt the need to add.

“Thanks for the mental picture.” While I could begrudgingly accept the fact that they were intimate with each other, I really didn't want to know when they were actually doing it. Ugh. Gross.

Jasper just shrugged and grinned devilishly at my reaction. “So, why did you bring us here, Jacob?” 

Alice clapped her hands together in excitement. “Oooo, I’m so curious!” Jasper and I chuckled, to which she replied, “What can I say, I love surprises!”

“No, you don't,” Jasper murmured, trying to stifle his laughter.

"Shhhh!" She scolded, swatting her hand at him.

I couldn’t help but be amused at their light-hearted antics. They really were the oddest match among all the Cullens. Bella and Edward, I got - silent mind, born to be a vampire, yadda yadda. Carlisle and Esme - Their mutual maturity? I don’t know. Those two seemed right together. Rosalie and Emmett - hot blonde and jock - pretty standard. But Alice and Jasper, they were just a weird match. She was so tiny and delicate looking and it was unreal how cheerful she could be. Then Jasper was ridiculously tall next to her, and there was nothing delicate about his battle-scarred appearance. He was often quiet and kind of creeptastic with how he’d look at you sometimes, because he felt what you were feeling. It was as invasive, if not more so, than Edward’s ability. Jasper and Alice were like night and day, but opposites attract, as they say. Alice seemed to soften up Jasper's rougher edges, and I knew there was nothing he wouldn't do to protect the little sprite, whose natural cheer seemed to take the edge off his emotional turmoil.

Alice raised an eyebrow and tapped her foot as she waited impatiently for me to speak. I didn’t really know how to start. Jasper smirked and said, “Your emotions are all over the place. What's going on, Jacob?”

I guess the gift thing was as good a place to start as any. “Er, I was just kinda wondering what it’s like to have a gift.”

Their eyes met and they looked at each other for a few moments. Then Jasper shrugged, and Alice turned back toward me, smiling. “In some situations, it’s helpful, but most of the time, it's a pain in the butt.”

“If we could pick and choose when we could use it, I would be more grateful for the gift.,” Jasper chimed in. “But as it is, I can’t not feel everyone’s emotions. It’s all the time. I can’t turn it off.”

“And I can’t not See whenever my brain wants to See. It’s very inconvenient if I’m talking to a cashier at the mall, or sitting with humans in class or at lunch, and then I just go blank. My family is good at covering for me in public though.”

Jasper nodded. "Your visions protect us so often, of course we would all protect you when you're having them."

"I know, baby, thank you." 

They shared a quick kiss before Jasper brought the conversation back around to his own gift. “Mine has pretty heavy downsides. Imagine the lowest point of your life, and how it felt. If I was in your proximity when you felt it, I would feel your depression or rage or jealousy or lust just as intensely. It's the reason I couldn't continue to feed on humans - I felt all their fear and sadness, and it pulled me in an abyss of despair.”

Good God, that sounded horrible. I tried to ignore the fact he used to drink humans, reminding myself he didn't anymore. “It must be hard to know which emotions are actually yours,” I commented, encouraging him to continue.

“No, I know when it's my own emotion or I’m being influenced. The gift is part of me. I just know.”

This was interesting, but it was heading into a cryptic area and I didn’t have all day. Time to steer the conversation where I really wanted it. “Do you think Edward feels that way about his mind-reading?”

“Definitely,” they said at the same time. They shared a smile, then Alice explained, “He hates it. He describes it like a constant buzzing in his mind, random words coming through the masses if he’s in a crowd. Vampires use more parts of their brain than humans do, so he has more room to compartmentalize and have his own thoughts. A human would have gone crazy immediately.”

“He doesn’t like it, but it can be useful, especially in times of trouble or if there’s town gossip about the family,” Jasper added.

“Or when one of you has accidents?” I asked pointedly.

“Well, that hasn’t happened in a long time, but yes.”

I bristled, realizing that Jasper was likely the most recent accident-causer. It seemed brazen to me, to be discussing his past of taking human lives with a born protector of human lives. How old was Jasper? How many lives had he taken? His admissions were really aggravating my wolf. I had to calm down and change topics now.

Alice must have Seen something— I don’t know what ‘cuz I wasn’t paying attention to her —because she looked nervously between us before trying to distract me by taking over the conversation. “Edward doesn’t like it because he hears a lot of horrible or distasteful things in people’s minds. He hears all the things you’d never say out loud. Even with us, the ones he loves and who love him, even we have horrible thoughts about each other. Imagine having to hear all those, and all the ones about yourself too! I don’t think I could stand it.”

“I couldn’t. Sounds awful,” I agreed.

“Yeah. I don’t think it was that bad when it was just him and Carlisle. One other mind seems tolerable to me. But then came Esme, and Rosalie, and Emmett. And then we came along, two more minds.”

"I bet Edward was glad to have some other gifted vamps around though."

Alice and Jasper shared a long-suffering look. “Yes and no,” she said after a pause. “On the one hand, yeah, it was good for him to not feel like a freak in his own family. But the nature of our gifts is as intrusive as his is, and he didn't like being on the receiving end of ours.” 

“Particularly mine,” Jasper added. I looked at him with interest, and he continued. “It used to be trying for me, living with him. Between the melancholy and the angst and the jealousy and loneliness… it was a draining few decades.” 

“Yeah, Jasper was always either trying to alter Edward's emotions—” 

“—which would only make him angry when he realized it—”

“—or he would have to escape the house.” 

They shared a little smile over their sentence-finishing stunt. “To be fair, he usually took leaving upon himself,” Jasper explained.

“But he'd done that for so many years,” Alice lamented. “With three couples in the house, he had to make himself scarce a LOT if he wanted to escape the kind of thoughts couples have about each other. Jasper and I try to find places away from the house so he doesn't have to leave, like today, and Carlisle and Esme try to be respectful too, but Emmett and Rose lack control in that area.” She chuckled. “Sex doesn’t embarrass Emmett, and Rose has a chip on her shoulder about Edward’s ability, and is very stubborn. She always tells him if he doesn’t like what he’s hearing, to turn it off or leave. Which inevitably ends with Edward saying he can’t turn it off, and then leaving.”

So, it seemed that when Edward was a very young vampire, he slowly became an outcast in his own family. He didn’t have a mate, and was forced to listen to three pairs of mates think about their happy lives and their sexcapades. I would leave too if I had to watch my sisters or my dad having sex. Ugh. Gross. I was feeling really sympathetic towards Edward right about now. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.

“So anyway, instead of trying to influence his emotions, I learned to just deal with them and compartmentalize to the best of my ability,” Jasper finished.

“For a while, he sometimes asked me to search the future to see if he ever found someone. But I couldn't see Bella when she wasn't born. Eventually, he stopped asking.”

“Resigned himself to always being alone.”

My chest constricted and my heart ached. Damn, he’s been so alone. For ages. It was just so incredibly depressing. When he finally found Bella, of course there was no way he could let her go.

Each of us already felt sad about the hand that life dealt Edward, but Alice and I were triple sad because our own emotions mixed with Jasper’s memory of Edward’s pain, and the pain Jasper felt because of said memory. It was just a big old misery-fest. Our bodies all just kind of slumped. My eyes started tearing up. I really didn’t want to cry.

Slowly, the fog began to lift and I started to feel better. Jasper must have realized what was happening to the three of us and tried to affect a change. His efforts soon mitigated the effects, and we were soon feeling more normal. 

Jasper continued. “But then, Bella came along, and it was like a light switch turned on, very sudden. He was completely changed. I never felt such happiness from him. I sought out his presence where I’d once avoided it. Bella too— her feelings of love and happiness were just as strong as his. Of course, there was a lot of anxiety around potentially killing her—”

‘I knew he wouldn't,” Alice commented. “I showed him constantly.”

“You know he doubts himself All. The. Time.”

She put up her palms, conceding her point. 

“Then, at Bella's eighteenth birthday party, I almost killed her.”

Dumbfounded, I managed to say, “Um, what.”

Jasper rubbed the back of his neck, looking away from my emerging glare with guilt. “Er, yeah, see...Bella got a papercut from opening a gift…”

“You. Tried. To. Kill. Her?” I asked, trying desperately to contain my rage. I trembled as I reminded myself that he hadn't killed her; she was alive... well, sort of.

Jasper put his hands up to placate me. “I was...restrained and taken away. I didn’t harm her.”

“Nothing happened. Everything turned out just fine,” Alice said, stating the obvious.

Jasper rushed to artificially calm me. It was annoying how well his talent could work, but I let it happen. I really didn’t want to be mad at Jasper, especially since he hadn’t actually hurt Bella. When he was satisfied I wasn’t going to phase and tear his head off, Jasper explained, “That was the reason we left. Edward felt that being around vampires was simply too dangerous for her, and he loved her too much to destroy her soul by turning her, so he left to protect her.”

I let that revelation sink in. Was I going to have an epiphany every time I talked to a new family member? I shook my head in surprise and disbelief. All this time, I thought Edward was the most selfish creature on Earth. Bella had tried to tell me he left her for her own good after she went to save him in Italy, but I always thought he brainwashed her to believe that. What did she call it? Dazzling her. Edward had been absolutely right to leave, of course. He WAS too dangerous for Bella. He would have stayed away too, for her safety even at the detriment of his own happiness, if only she hadn’t been exposed to cliff diving by yours truly. 

Ultimately, it was my own involvement with her that brought him back to Forks. And their reunion, while immensely painful for me at the time, came full circle when they produced my reason for living. Our lives truly were intertwined, the threads weaving in the strangest ways.

I think Alice could tell that my mind was blown, and she decided to put an end to our conversation. “Well, it’s getting late, and I have a date with the new spring line.”

“Yeah, I gotta go see my dad anyway," I muttered. "I’ll see you guys back at the house later.” 

With a casual wave, Alice and Jasper zipped off toward home. I pulled off my shorts and phased, heading home to see my dad, my mind battling itself with new realizations.

Xxxx

What did you think? I'd love to know! Emmett is coming up next.


	4. Chapter 4 - Emmett

Conversations  
Chapter 4  
Emmett

The next day, Emmett persuaded Seth and I into participating in a ‘play-fight’ in the Cullens’ backyard. Edward was going to join to make us an even four. Bella came out to watch us and so did Esme. Rosalie stayed inside with Renesmee. Not only did no one want the baby to see anyone fighting— especially not me and Edward— Rosalie was bored of watching her husband fight. He did it so much with Jasper and Edward, and even Carlisle over the years, that it was just old news for her by now, even if this fight involved us wolves. 

Seth of course was pumped to flex his skills. He phased for fun now that there was no danger, going on runs with me, just exploring on his own, or play fighting with his brothers. I was excited too; I wanted to see what Emmett was going to throw down. I assumed I’d be going up against him because our sizes matched up, but once we were phased and out in the yard, Emmett announced he’d be fighting Seth, and I’d be matched up with Edward.

My large lupine eye rolled toward him, and Edward met my gaze steadily, a challenge in his eyes and stance.

“Come on, Jake,” he goaded me as I hesitated. “Come at me.”

“Edward!” Bella admonished. I didn’t look at her. I didn’t want to be the first to look away.

Edward ignored her too. “I know you want to,” he pressed. “And _I want_ you to.”

His confidence rattled my nerves, because I knew he would see my every move before I made it and counter just before I could execute. I’d have to be very instinctual, not think about it. He smiled at me innocently. It was a bit too much, phony-looking. He scaled it back a little and he looked more normal. Hmm, I guess I was getting under his skin too. He was trying too hard. I suddenly felt better about ‘mock’ fighting with him. Edward could easily falter. 

Both of us were willing participants, but neither of us seemed to want to start the fight. We faced each other, snarled and circled, but neither of us did anything to initiate. I wondered how long he could wait until I finally caved. I could do this for hours.

Edward didn’t like that plan I guess because he sprung at me. I thought of running straight at him and acted on it, but the way my paws left the ground changed my trajectory in such a way that I flew just past him, landing a swipe at his arm as I passed. When I landed, I turned back toward him. He was pretty pissed. Emmett could hardly keep from laughing as he dodged Seth’s lunge. “Dude! He got you! You didn’t see it coming!” Edward huffed and folded his arms, looking indignant.

To be fair, I did think that I was going to go straight at him. Even I was surprised I didn’t make head-on contact with him.

Edward could hear my thoughts, but he didn’t try to explain what happened to Emmett. Emmett must have been thinking something at him that made him more angry, because he growled, “This is over,” slicing the air with his hand in Emmett’s direction. Then he stormed off, Bella rushing to follow him. Esme frowned disapprovingly and turned to follow the agitated couple inside. 

Emmett scoffed under his breath when Esme closed the door. “Of course she’d take his side. Golden boy,” he muttered.

Just like that, it was just Emmett, Seth and I. Seth had to go home anyway, so this was a perfect time to have a chat with Emmett. When opportunity knocks, you open the door, right? I had a feeling this was going to be interesting. 

_You go ahead,_ Seth thought. _I gotta go see mom and Leah before she leaves for college soon anyway._

_I’ll be by too, just give me a couple of hours._

_Cool._

Seth took off into the woods, leaving Emmett dumbstruck. “Where’s he going?”

There was no way for me to answer him unless I was human, so I phased. I didn’t intend to be human for long, so I didn’t bother with the shorts, I just stayed bent down to cover myself. “To see Leah before she leaves. I’m going too, but first I thought we could hunt some bears.”

His face lit up like a kid in a candy store— starstruck eyes, wide, toothy grin, the works. “I’m in, bro.”

I smiled and phased back to my wolf, and we took off running north. We were a good ways away from Forks, almost to Canada before Emmett slowed, and I took that as a cue he wanted to talk. I slowed to a stop before phasing, but he could stop on a dime, so he was several yards back from where I ended up stopping. When I looked up from pulling on my shorts, the space in front of me was vacant and Emmett was still yards away. There was a rush of wind and suddenly, Emmett Cullen filled my vision. I staggered back in surprise, but caught hold of myself pretty quick. Emmett snickered as he smiled at me, pleased that he caught me by surprise with his vampy-ness.

“So... we’re mad far from the house now, bro. We're not really looking for bears, are we? Jasper told me about yesterday… You want to talk about Eddie boy?"

"We can still go find bears. But yeah, I did want to find out a little bit about Edward. Obviously, we were never friends...before, but now that we're stuck with each other, I should probably get to know him a little bit."

Emmett chortled. “I feel sorry for you, brah, you inherited a killjoy! That arrogant, emo son of a bitch is about as opposite from you as anyone could possibly be. That boy does NOT know how to have fun. You like that little curveball I threw at you guys? Making you fight each other?”

I shrugged. "You planned that?”

“Well, yeah, of course. Eddie knew it, obviously. Guess he wanted to throw down with you too.” 

“Well, I was more than ready to take him on."

"Of course! We all want to take down the all-knowing Edward. And you did! Bravo, dude, seriously.”

I smiled. Defeating Edward was something to be proud of, simply because it was so rarely done. “So, what did you think at him anyway? After the fight.”

“Oh, I was just ragging on him, the usual. You know, about being thwarted. That never happens to him. You really rattled his cage.” Emmett gave a hearty laugh. “He expects that from me, the joking and levity. They all do. They’re all kind of morose; they have sad stories, some long past, some more recently past. And they all wish they were human again. I don’t get that part. I had a decent human life, but damned if being a vampire isn’t incredible! And I get to have an intelligent, resourceful, fucking beautiful woman by my side? Like, I’m sorry if it’s wrong, but I am happy with my existence.”

What could I say to that? Being a bloodsucking creature wasn’t at the top of my list of ways to spend my life, but if it was Emmett’s dream, more power to him.

“I will say that the holier-than-thou attitude has cooled down a little since Bella came along. But Edward’s still a stick in the mud and always will be. And I will always, always pester him. He needs to loosen up. Sometimes he taunts me back. I love when he does that." He smiled to himself in a kind of ‘brotherly love’ way, probably remembering some friendlier occasion where they’d teased each other.

"He can't be that bad, can he?" I thought about what I'd learned from Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper already. It seemed to me that Edward's outward behavior was a mask to hide some seriously depressing realities he thought he would be stuck dealing with for eternity. I could understand his perpetual state of melancholy.

“He thinks because he’s well-read and multi-talented and he can hear everyone’s thoughts, that makes him powerful. What it really makes him is a frustrated teenager who can’t sleep and can’t bust a nut, so he had to find other ways to fill all that free time he could have spent doing the nasty.” 

Emmett grinned while I blanched a little at his casually derisive language. I wondered what kind of life he had before becoming a vampire, considering how comfortable he was with being so blatant about personal things.

Emmett chuckled at my reaction. I guess I hadn’t hidden it well, and he seemed to get some kind of pleasure out of embarrassing me. He continued, “Aw, Jake, lighten up a little. Edward can be a real pain in the ass, but he’s still my little bro.”

“Isn’t he older than you?”

Emmett shrugged. “Yes and no. He’s frozen younger but he’s been a vampire longer.”

“So... he raised you then, right?”

He sobered a little, his brow knitting together. “I don’t know about ‘raised,’ but he helped me learn the ropes, yeah. He was the fastest out of all of them, so he’s the one that stopped me whenever I got a whiff of humans in the early days. Got injured every time though,” Emmett boasted proudly, flexing his arms. “Tough break going up against these guns.”

I gave him a half smile, but inside, I actually was annoyed by his bragging. Edward was his older brother who had probably given his all to guide newborn Emmett in learning his new life, but Emmett seemed to lack the respect he probably should have for his brother, especially if Edward risked life and limb to stop the brute from making mistakes. My own respect for Edward was growing by the minute. “He was the first, right? So I guess he raised all of you.”

“Can you stop saying ‘raised’? You make me sound like a kid. At least I’m full grown, unlike Eddie boy. But yeah, I guess he helped us all learn Carlisle’s ways - Esme, Rosalie, and me. The all-knowing mind-reading thing helped him keep us in line. But that’s the thing, bro. He knew how important he was to the coven’s success, and it went straight to his head, blowing it up like a balloon. With no one around for him to pork, I guess he had to have something to feel good about. He had to compensate for his eternal youth somehow.” 

“Damn, Emmett, is sex the only thing that’s important to you?” I wondered what he must think of me. I didn’t have a lot of experience with girls, and now that I’d imprinted on Renesmee, I wouldn’t for a long time to come. 

“Duh, Jacob. Sex makes the world go ‘round, don’t you know? It’s like the most primal drive besides eating, or drinking in my case. Vampires can do it all night and not get tired. It’s a huge perk, one that good old Edward never got into. Rosalie and I thought he must be gay for the longest. Our cousin Tanya would practically throw herself at him whenever we’d visit them, but he never went for it. And that chick is hot! And a succubus!” Emmett shook his head, still in disbelief after all these years. I thought back to my conversation with Alice and Jasper the day before, and how they’d told me his mind-reading prevented him from letting go with another person. I was about to defend Edward, but Emmett cut me off. “Whatever, Edward’s panties are always in a bunch. I bet he couldn’t let go of his hang-ups enough to even get it up.”

I rolled my eyes, realizing Emmett wasn’t going to be talked out of what he thought of Edward. From what I understood, vampires didn’t really change; he’d probably never think of Edward any other way.

“Anyway, we were all shocked he finally fell for a girl. I was beginning to think he was totally asexual. Not that he could get down with Bella, not really. Too breakable.”

“And yet, he did it anyway,” I bristled, still upset he’d taken that chance, even if it had ended up working out for them, and for me.

“Yeah, you were about ready to tear him a new one when you found out about the honeymoon, I remember. I can't believe Bella told you about that. They're such prudes, I’m shocked either of them mustered up the courage to utter the words.” 

“Of course I was pissed. He could have killed her.”

“Yeah, he could have. But I know Edward. He has the best control of anyone. Arguably better than Carlisle. And he loved her so much. The possibility of him hurting her was slim to none. We all knew she'd be okay. Besides, Alice saw she'd be fine.”

“Well, Alice can be wrong, and Edward knows it, but it seems like he wanted to be with her enough to still risk her life.”

Emmett guffawed. “Is that what you think?” He attempted to control his amusement at my increasing ire, unsuccessfully. “Nah, bro. It was an ultimatum from _her!_ Bella fully coerced that boy into sleeping with her.” He shook his head at the disbelief on my face, insisting, “Edward did not want to have sex with her. He was adamantly against it, and repeatedly refused her advances, which were frequent. It was hard for him. I mean, of course he _wanted_ to give it to her! But he never did it before, and he didn’t know enough how he’d react to feel confident he wouldn’t crush her to death or drink her dry. And he was right about that. I honestly don’t know how he accomplished it in any way that was good for him. The control that would take...does not sound fun. But it probably was good for him. Being a virgin and all.”

My jaw dropped. I was a virgin, but I was still young. “Bella was his first? Isn’t he like, a hundred?”

Emmett didn’t laugh like I expected him to. “You could look at it that way. Or maybe he’s forever seventeen. But even a seventeen-year-old would have gotten busy before Edward finally got laid. I think it’s the mind thing, ya know? Like sometimes in bed with Rose, I’ll think about a part of her body that I like but she doesn’t. It would put her off if she knew, but it turns me on, so I think about it. Edward would know every thought his lover had, good and bad. I know I wouldn’t want my lady criticizing my technique in her mind.” 

“That would kinda kill the mood.”

We laughed together. “Anyway, I get why Edward didn’t want anyone whose mind he could read. Their minds always put him off in some way long before anything beyond flirtation could happen. It was never what they did or how they looked, it was what they thought that made him disinterested. So, I get why a silent mind would be something he’d want.

“I didn’t really make the connection between the lack of sex and his so-called ‘gift’ for a long time. I teased him mercilessly, sent him mental pictures of fantasies, and sometimes I just can’t help but think about Rosie. I feel bad about how I acted now though, now that I connected the dots. I always thought Edward was a good guy, but he was always sort of tortured. I thought if I needled him enough, it would prompt him to have a one-nighter with Tanya or something— cuz that chick was _willing_ and getting laid would have done wonders for his psyche— but nope. It just pissed him off.”

“Seems kind of mean.”

Emmett looked contrite. “Yeah, and I regret that. But aren’t we all mean sometimes?” When I didn’t answer, he moved the conversation on. “There aren’t a lot of vampires out there. New ones aren’t made that often, so as time went on, and we met more and more of our kind, it seemed less and less likely he’d ever find anybody to suit him. And he knew we all felt that way too, and he hated our pity.” He shook his head and closed his eyes. “Edward hears everything. Every thought that you’d never say but can’t help thinking. It definitely causes strain sometimes.”

I usually tried not to think too hard about Edward’s gift. I didn’t like that he could see so much, that he knew aspects of me I probably didn’t even realize he knew! With fleeting thoughts and so many encounters with him, he probably knew my whole life story. And I knew nothing about his. But that’s why I was here. It appeared that no one in his family enjoyed it either, nor Edward himself. It seemed like more of a curse than a gift.

Emmett could tell I’d been thinking, and stayed quiet until I looked up at him again. “Then along comes Bella finally, and he can’t hear her mind. What a relief for him. Lucky Bella’s pretty, right? But it wouldn’t matter even if she were ugly, because I think he would have jumped at anyone whose mind was silent to him. That’s what he needs. He needs his own thoughts as well as companionship.” 

It seemed like Emmett understood his brother better than he let on. Then he surprised me even more. “I can’t tell you how awesome it is to see him this way, dropping all his facades and defenses and just being who he was always supposed to be. I’m super happy for him. And Bella’s the shit, brah. Yeah, she beat me at wrestling and I’m still butt hurt about that. But seriously, she’s chill and down-to-earth. This house needs a woman like that. It feels more modern. We’re all fucking old.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “You knew my great-grandfather, right?”

“I mean, I didn’t _know_ him. I _met_ him. In the woods, then the next day at the treaty signing. You resemble Ephraim, actually.”

“That’s so weird.”

“I know.”

“When the hell are you from anyway, Emmett?”

“Them there Cullens happened upon me in the mountains of Tennessee,” he drawled, doing a terrible parody of a redneck accent. “I reckon I was a hillbilly type— gamblin’ and drinkin’ and cursin’ and womanizin’ my life away during the ol’ Depression.”

We laughed together at his caricature, then we fell into a silence, both thinking to ourselves. His whole devil-may-care, lust for life attitude made sense now. He was from the mountains of Tennessee during the Depression? Life was probably hell back then. And yet, he found ways to enjoy his human life while he was living it, and now he fully embraced the joys of his second life. His joy with this life was because he got everything he ever wanted in his human life and more.

Emmett broke the silence with a smirk. “So, did that satisfy your hard-on for knowledge about Eddie’s sex life?”

My face twisted in horror. “Dear God!” I cried. “That’s not what I thought I’d be learning about when I brought you out here, by the way.”

He laughed. “What did you think I was going to tell you about?”

“I dunno...hunting?”

“Booooring,” he droned. “Don’t you know, Jacob? I’m all about sex. You got a sex question? I’m your guy.”

“Right...okay...er, thanks, Emmett.”

“Any time, man. Come on, Jake, let’s go catch some bears.”

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: 
> 
> Hmm, the Emmett that came out of me is kind of a jerk. Sorry guys! Lol. 
> 
> Emmett injuring Edward while he was a newborn is a reference to a fantastic fic written by Jessica314. It’s called Tale of Years: 1935 and it is part of a series that explores the origins of the Cullen family through Edward’s POV. It is excellent reading, and I fully take her work as canon! You should definitely give it a read.
> 
> I’d love to hear your thoughts. This chapter was a tough one to write. Hope you all enjoyed it! Three more chapters to go until the end.


	5. Chapter 5 - Rosalie

Conversations  
Rosalie

When Emmett and I got back from our bear hunt, we found that Edward and Bella had gone to their cottage to have some alone time. Emmett flopped down on the couch and turned on the television to see the scores. Jasper acknowledged us with a slight nod but didn’t look up from his reading. I could hear Esme in the kitchen and Alice waved from the computer in the corner. I really just wanted to see Nessie, so I went upstairs to find her, hoping she’d still be awake. 

I found her in Edward’s old room, in the middle of the four poster, king sized bed. Rosalie sat beside her, and was softly reading Shakespeare sonnets as Nessie lay snug under the covers. They looked up when I came in and Rosalie rolled her eyes, but Ness gave me a beaming smile that melted my heart. She beckoned me over and I stretched out on the bed beside her, over the blankets, and let her snuggle in against my warm chest. She laid her hand against my cheek and showed me how much she loved the sonnets and how happy she was that I came back before she fell asleep. “I’m happy too,” I told her. Then I looked up at Rosalie. “She wants you to keep reading.” Rosalie scowled at me but continued to read, and I had to admit the rhythm of the poetry and the soft voice she was using was really soothing. 

When Renesmee’s thoughts turned into dreams, I slowly extricated myself from her grasp and sat up. The two of us watched her sleep for a little while, before Rosalie's nose crinkled and she started glared daggers at me. She only tolerated me for Nessie’s sake, and since she was asleep now, Rosalie was ready for me to leave. No way was I leaving though. I’d spoken to everyone else. They were scattered around the house, going about their business, knowing I would have only Rosalie and Esme left to speak to, and that I had a good opportunity to approach Rosalie now. As for Esme, well, she would be next.

“Time to put the dog out,” Rosalie muttered with a sneer.

“Actually, Blondie, I wondered if I could have a word with you.”

She huffed, but nodded brusquely toward the door. We crept out of the room, leaving Nessie sleeping peacefully on the black and gold bed. I tried not to think about what else it might have been used for. Rosalie led me down the hall to Carlisle’s study, which was empty while he was at work, and shut the door behind us. For the illusion of privacy, I guess. I plopped myself down in the leather chair opposite his desk while Rosalie remained standing, facing me from her position in front of Carlisle’s collection of art and photographs.

“I know what you're doing,” she said, a hand on her hip. “Going around asking for everybody's take on Edward? I'm certain he knows what's going on by now.”

I nodded. “Probably.” 

She huffed again, crossing her arms. I guess she was annoyed that I wasn’t more worried about Edward’s reaction to what I was doing.

“You really would do anything for her,” she said, reluctantly impressed with me.

“Yes, I would do anything for Renesmee.” Even try to love the leech I hated most, the one who stole everything from me. I wanted to be the one who finally tore his head off. Or, I did at the time. Now I realized it was all necessary to get me where I needed to be for the imprint. Fate was a twisted bitch sometimes. But I didn't say any of this. I only nodded. 

Rosalie crossed the room and perched on the edge of the desk, ready to talk to me. “Of course, that's just like Edward isn’t it. He knows everything about everyone. You can try to hide what you're thinking, but it's impossible to do all the time. You're bound to slip, and living in the same house, Edward will inevitably hear. There's no escaping it. He knows all of your darkest, deepest thoughts, as he knows all of mine. And Emmett’s. And Alice’s. And so on.”

She took a deep breath before begrudgingly admitting, “It’s annoying, and I hate it. I hate that he knows so much about me. But I also know how much he doesn’t want to know. I can recognize that he bears a heavy burden. I can’t imagine what it’s like not to be able to shut it off and just be in peace. The only peace he ever found was by running away to solitude, so far away no human would go, to the tops of cliffs and mountains, so he won’t be able to hear anyone but himself. Those opportunities are rare though, so he just has other people in his head constantly. Your own thoughts being overshadowed by the thoughts of others.” She shook her head. “Few experiences of your own, only what you see others do. Hearing every vile thing a person has ever thought, and having to act as though you are ignorant.”

I was learning that Edward’s gift was indeed a burden. “He wears a pretty good mask, almost unreadable.”

Rosalie lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “By design. He learned how not to react to thoughts he considers objectionable. Unfortunately, he learned how to do that because of me. We clashed often, much to Carlisle and Esme's dismay. We didn't make the house very comfortable to live in, the way we fought and traded insults. I guess there was never anything too bad in Carlisle or Esme’s minds. But mine, he found distasteful.

"We were able to find some common ground when it came to music and cars, though he had the chauvinistic idea that automobiles shouldn't appeal to women. I quickly rid him of THAT notion. Stupid turn of the century males,” she grumbled, rolling her eyes. I wanted to laugh, but I suppressed it. “So, we didn't totally hate each other all the time, but we certainly had a knack for getting under each other's skin, like any brother and sister. But unlike most siblings, he was constantly in my head, hearing things I never wanted him to know. God, I resented him… still do, even though I know he can't control it." She sighed heavily. "But you can't choose your family. Unless you're Carlisle, apparently."

Whoa, what was that about Carlisle? 

Apparently, I had spoken aloud, because she answered me. “Well, Carlisle specifically chose to turn all of us, except Emmett. I asked him to do that.” She turned toward a photo on the wall. It was of Bella and Edward’s wedding. They were beaming at each other at the altar, having just exchanged vows.

“Bella is so perfect for him. Since Edward can’t hear her, he can have peace and quiet as well as a partner in his life. Although, sometimes I think her silent mind is the strongest pull she has for him, now that her sweet-smelling blood is gone.” That thought made me shudder and she laughed, flipping her hair over her shoulder, her eyes distant as she remembered something about her brother.

“Yes, things are better for the whole family since Bella came along. No more seventh wheel. It was sooo uncomfortable whenever we would go out on the town as a family, to an opera, or a movie. Once Emmett came along, he was always the odd one out and it was like he was tagging along. Not an easy feeling for anyone to handle, let alone a melodramatic teenager. So, he was often broody and frankly, ornery.”

“And then Alice and Jasper came.”

“And it got even worse. It was good for him to have other gifted people around to relate to, and he and Alice got really close. Good thing Jasper can tell their feelings were platonic or Edward would for sure be dead.” She laughed, and I joined her. “Anyway, those two aren’t as...showy as Emmett and I. More in line with Carlisle and Esme, and Edward deals better with less PDA. But he was the odd one out in an even larger group. We always made an effort to include him, but he didn’t always enjoy it. You could tell in his eyes. There was no spark of happiness, just dull, like he was acting out what he knew we wanted to see.”

Rosalie folded her arms, becoming irritated. “Of course, his situation is sad, but he really can be a right bastard sometimes. He knows just what to say to piss a person off. Emmett likes to take him down a peg or two every once in a while. Edward needs that. We can’t let him go around thinking he’s better than everyone all the time.”

From what I’d learned about Edward so far, I was pretty sure that that last thing he thought was that he was better than anyone. If anything, he thought himself the worst of the bunch - an unlovable monster who knew more than he wanted to know about everyone around him, destined to be alone. Rosalie had him all wrong, in my opinion. 

The blonde beauty queen (I mean, really, who wears a gown just hanging around the house.? It was weird.) sat up straighter, her shoulders squared. She looked me in the eye very seriously. “Are you aware of how I died?”

I had no idea what circumstances led to her becoming a vampire. “Frankly, I never even thought about it.”

“Of course you didn’t, dog. Who cares,” she mocked my voice. “Just another leech.”

“You got that right,” I shot back, the hairs on my neck bristling.

She rolled her eyes before getting serious again. “Jacob, would you like me to tell you what happened to me?” 

I nodded, finding myself hanging on her next words, the anticipation felt very dramatic. She got extremely serious, leaning forward and speaking emphatically.

“I’m telling you this because I don’t hate you, Jacob, and I know you don’t really hate me. I really detest you sometimes, your smell especially, but you are a good person, and I kind of… maybe… like you. A little. Sometimes.”

I was actually kind of touched that she was admitting I’d won her over. “Aw, that’s really special coming from you. Thank you, Rosalie.”

She eyed me, not sure whether I was teasing her or not. And a part of me was, but mostly I was sincere. She seemed to sense that my teasing was more playful than malicious, and nodded before looking past me toward the wall of photographs.

“A group of men defiled and beat me in the street, then left me for dead.”

I gasped, horrified by what I’d heard, not expecting such brutality to have happened to her. She continued, “Carlisle found me as I was bleeding out and decided to keep me, the reason for which no one truly knows, except for Edward.”

I recovered my shock enough to inquire, “Have you asked them?”

“No, but it isn’t difficult to figure out. Carlisle had Esme, and he wanted to play matchmaker for Edward. We both hated him for it for a long time.”

“Wait, what?” I did a double take. “Edward hated Carlisle?” It was difficult to imagine because he practically hero worshipped the man now. Like he was his real father.

She smirked. “Absolutely. Carlisle did the same thing to him, you know? Saved him from the brink of death, gave him immortality, which is more of a curse than a blessing. Not only that, but to be denied from the very beginning of your life of the one thing your new body needs. That breeds resentment. All newborns lust for human blood. And Carlisle kept him from it. He was lucky Edward could read his mind, because if he couldn’t see the reasons Carlisle had for both changing him and not drinking from humans, Edward probably would have killed him in a thirst-fueled frenzy.”

“Is that how you felt when Carlisle changed you?”

“No. I felt the terrible burn in my throat of course, but I felt the burn of my hatred more. I reviled what I’d become, and I refused to let the monster sink its claws into me. I have never tasted human blood,” she stated proudly.

This impressed me against my will. She noticed and smiled softly, pleased I had reacted that way. 

“Well, to circle back, Edward knows every horrid detail of what happened to me. No other person knows absolutely everything, how I was defiled over and over, ripped apart and torn. The pain and utter humiliation. And I never wanted him to know, I didn’t want anyone to know, not even myself! Especially not myself… But it was impossible for Edward not to know. It was all I could think about when I awoke. I wanted to find those men and take my revenge on them.” I was so swept up in her terrible story, I had to remind myself to breathe. “I keep my plans concealed. Hunting with Esme instead of Edward, or whenever he’d leave the house, were the only times I allowed myself free rein to think of my revenge.

“I didn’t know Edward’s range reached as far as it does. After a few days, he approached me and told me he knew of my plans. I was afraid he would tell the others, or try to stop me himself. But no, he wanted to help. He was sickened and outraged by what had been inflicted on me, and he wanted them dead with as much passion as I did. He had vowed never to use his power to kill again—”

A...gain?

“—but his anger and rage on my behalf was such that he was compelled to see this done. His allegiance was very validating. He helped me exact revenge on those poor excuses for men.” 

“I…” I trailed off, still concerned about the ‘Edward not wanting to kill again’ bit. I stayed on topic though. “I thought you never killed a human.”

She scoffed. “I only said I never drank a human’s blood. But I have killed humans, five of them. One of them was my fiancée.” 

There was silence as that bombshell sank in. I was speechless at the cruel way she’d been murdered by her own fiancée, a man who should have protected her, but instead threw her to the lions. She nodded in understanding of my shock and continued on, “Edward helped me plan to assassinate them one by one. And he stayed nearby as I carried out our plan, to back me up if I needed it. But I didn’t need it.” She smirked again, shaking her head at the Rosalie and Edward of her memory. “He did all that because he was appalled by what had happened to me, even though he had sworn to himself never to be a part of taking human life again.”

There was that ‘again’ again!

She plowed on, not realizing what she was letting slip. “After that, Edward never spoke of any of it or reacted to my thoughts about it. For that, I am endlessly grateful to him. He hears everything about everyone, but he will never reveal a person’s innermost thoughts, not even to themselves. He internalizes it all. But when he intervenes on your behalf, it feels good to have the solidarity.” 

She scoffed to herself darkly. “Of course, Edward abuses his power in some ways. He always wins board games or wrestling matches because he can see all the moves before they happen, and that’s just so annoying and tedious. That’s why it amused everyone earlier that you got the better of Edward. Emmett dreams of doing that.” She chuckled. “But seriously, Edward cares about the welfare of everyone in the family. How could he not? He knows us all so intimately. Edward and I butt heads a lot, but if I’m being honest, it’s because we’re a lot alike. Deep down, he and I know we care about each other, even if it doesn’t show on the surface. Renesmee is lucky to have him as a father. Edward is a good man and role model. I guess that makes you lucky to have him for a father-in-law,” she prodded in jest.

“Oh, that’s where I draw the line,” I retorted, swatting my hand at her as I got up from the chair. “Anyway, thanks for talking to me, Blondie. Hope I didn't scorch your nostrils too badly.” 

As I walked through the door, she replied, “Hmph, I tried not to breathe.” 

"Oh, by the way," I added as I left. "Carlisle beat you to the father-in-law crap." 

Rosalie’s haughty, tinkling laughter followed me down the hall.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that’s left is Esme! Then there will be a wrap-up/epilogue. Fair warning, neither are complete yet, but there’s something there for both, so it shouldn’t be too long.


	6. Chapter 6 - Esme

Conversations  
Chapter 6  
Esme 

As I approached the big white house, all I could hear was the piano, filling the air with a pleasing melody. Opening the front door, it was not just Edward seated on the bench as I'd expected. My imprint sat beside him, their height difference completely opposite while their hair color matched exactly. Ness was playing on the keys at the high end of the keyboard, and Edward played the low notes. 

I had gone to hang out with Quil and Embry, and we ended up tearing it up in wolf form. We spent like six hours just racing around in Canada. It seemed Edward had been teaching his daughter while I was gone. Bella stood at the side of the instrument, looking on with pride and affection. Dropping my tired ass into the nearest chair, I watched the mini concert until the end. Ness was clearly enjoying the music she was creating; it was impossible to tear my eyes away from her joy. Finishing with a flourish, I applauded and whooped as Bella scooped her up in a big hug.

"Hey Jake? Renesmee is thirsty,” Bella told me as Ness laid her hand against her mother’s neck. "I think we’ll take her out for a hunt,” she continued, nodding toward Edward, who rose, looking ready to leave. “Do you want to join us?” 

Truthfully, I was starving and bone-tired from running with Embry and Quil all night. The last thing I wanted to do was wolf out again and run some more. But if Nessie wanted me to, I would.

My imprint leaned forward in her mother’s arms, her palm outstretched. As Bella started to move closer so Ness could share her thoughts with me, I heard some clanking noises in the kitchen. Edward looked toward the sound, then put his hand on Bella’s arm, stopping her progress. Ness turned to her father and frowned.

“I know you want him to come with us,” Edward told her in a placating tone. “But your grandma has already started to make him something to eat. You don’t want to make Grandma sad, do you? Besides, Jacob just got here, let him take a rest. He needs it more than you do.”

Nessie looked disappointed but she gave in, conveying her resignation to Bella. “I’m sorry, baby,” Bella cooed. She swallowed hard before saying, “I’m thirsty too.” She shifted Nessie to her other hip and nodded at Edward. “Okay, let’s go. See you in a bit, Jake.” She smiled and waved as she passed me to the door, and I blew Ness a kiss which made her giggle. Edward followed them out, but stopped in the doorway, shooting me a crooked smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“Last one,” he said in a low voice. “She’s just dying to talk to you.” With that, he followed his wife and child out to the forest.

How mortifying to have Edward actually acknowledge that I’d been asking around about him. He didn’t seem to mind too much though, did he? Instead of chewing me out, he seemed to find it amusing? I didn’t know what to make of it, so I headed into the kitchen, where apparently Esme was chomping at the bit to be included.

The vampire mother hen was humming as she stood over a pot on the stove, stirring a soup or sauce, I wasn’t sure. Whatever it was, it smelled good. She stopped humming when I entered and looked up, beaming when she saw it was me. How she’d missed my approaching “stench” was beyond me. I guess her mind had been elsewhere. Maybe on the very conversation we were about to have.

“What song was that?” I asked, wanting to break the strange tension in the atmosphere. She drained the pasta from the other pot as she spoke. “Oh, it's one of Edward’s compositions. It doesn't have a name...we just call it Esme's favorite." She laughed. I couldn't help smiling, even if it was so damned sweet, I might get a toothache.

She set the pasta aside in a bowl to wait for the sauce to finish simmering. “Would you believe it if I told you he didn't like me at first?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

I laughed outright at the idea that anyone on the planet could dislike this woman. “What?” I asked incredulously. 

“It’s true. He was _not_ happy about me joining them.” 

“Why?” I asked, truly mystified as to what could possibly make Edward dislike the kindest, softest person ever.

Esme sighed. “What you have to understand is that Carlisle never intended to change another person after Edward. He didn’t want to play God,” she said, using finger quotes. “It was mutually understood between the two of them that Carlisle didn’t want to bring more vampires into his life. He had companionship that he was more than happy with. He didn’t need or want anyone else. Carlisle and Edward made a good coven of two. They complement each other well, share a lot of interests. They’re very close.”

It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Edward looked up to Carlisle and wanted to make the man proud. It seemed that everything he did was in an effort to emulate his maker, which I didn't really fault him for. The doc was the kind of person anyone would try to model themselves after. I could see how Carlisle's supposed betrayal would have hurt Edward. At the time, he was only a kid really, and thought he knew Carlisle’s feelings about growing the coven, but that had been turned upside-down, probably unexpectedly. Maybe Edward had been left out of the loop when it came to Esme’s turning. My curiosity was brimming over. "But then, there was you.” Esme closed her eyes and nodded. “Why did Carlisle change you, Esme?”

Her gaze turned wistful as she thought of the past. “We met ten years earlier when I was sixteen. I broke my leg and Carlisle was the doctor that fixed it. I was totally infatuated with him, but he was gone by the time I had my follow-up visit.” Esme looked down for a moment, twisting a lock of caramel hair in her fingers. She looked so human. I was impressed by the level of skill she had to act human even at home. Or maybe it was instinctual for her by now, after so long. Strange. I was pulled from my mind’s tangent when she spoke again. 

“Carlisle found me near death. He recognized me from before and it seems he was as enamored by me as I was by him. He turned me without asking Edward.” I nodded. It was as I suspected then. “To be fair, there wasn’t time to wait for him to return. I was as good as dead. So, Carlisle turned me, and the spark we both felt when we’d first met turned out to be the spark of true mates. Like Edward and Bella are. Of course, Edward didn’t understand at the time. He was jealous of being replaced as Carlisle’s main focus, and bitter about my budding feelings for Carlisle. Carlisle felt the same way about me, though I had no idea at the time. Edward knew of course, so he realized long before we did that he was about to be pushed to the sidelines once we got together. I never wanted that to happen, but it is inevitable. Young love makes you blind to the world around you, even what is right in front of you.” Well, that I could certainly agree with— Bella had been blind to everything but her vampire. “Eventually, he couldn’t stand it anymore, I guess, and he left us."

This was what Rosalie had referred to, I was certain. There was something about this disappearing act Edward pulled that was really important. I knew I was missing some essential piece, and I hoped Esme would be the one to finally tell me what happened which seemed to completely change not only Edward himself, but had a trickle effect on the whole family.

"I felt a lot of guilt over his absence. It affected Carlisle very deeply and I had grown to care for Edward a great deal. Edward and I both had an empty space inside us, one that we could fill for each other. He was in need of a mother, and I was in need of a son.” Esme paused, chewing her lip briefly. It seemed Bella’s nervous human habit had been adopted by many of her new vampire family. Sighing heavily, eye filled with pain, she revealed, “My baby son died a few days after he was born. That was why I jumped from that cliff. I was so close to death that the coroner didn’t realize I was still alive, and he took me straight to the morgue, where I would have died had Carlisle not been working there that night.” Whoa, I was not expecting that to be how Esme died. I was utterly speechless. Luckily, she didn’t wait for a reply. I’m sure my sympathy showed on my face. “I couldn’t help thinking Edward could fill that void, but he didn’t like the idea. Maybe he thought I was being too presumptuous, far too soon. And maybe I was. But I was still in mourning.” She shrugged. “When he returned to us years later, he was more accepting of the new dynamic of the family and allowed us to be surrogate mother and son. He still wanted a mom, and he knew I wanted someone to take care of.” She chuckled. “And that’s the really long way to tell you, that was when he wrote my song!”

We had a quiet laugh together and I looked out into the main room where the piano was. Esme looked at it too, her expression darkening. “That was the only happy song he ever wrote though. After his return, he was tortured, believing he was a soulless monster.”

I began to think this was the thing where maybe he’d killed some people, which Rosalie had alluded to. It just had to be. Why else would he think himself a monster without a soul? “Why did he think that?” I fished.

Esme hesitated, avoiding my gaze by looking up at a corner of the ceiling. “Well, it isn't my place to reveal what happened during that period of his life.” Internally, I rolled my eyes. She was responding just like Carlisle had. I knew I wasn’t going to be getting answers from her. “Besides, I wasn't there to see it. But perhaps being alone allowed too much time to reflect on his vampirism, and no one was there to try to ease over the undesirable aspects about what we are. He was gone for years, and by the time he returned, those feelings were deeply rooted. Anyway, that’s a good measure of how Edward is feeling, by listening to what he plays,” she said, gesturing toward the instrument.

Esme was avoiding the details of Edward’s disappearance, obviously a sore point in her life she no longer wanted to think about. I let it go, although the curiosity was absolutely killing me. 

She continued. “For so long, the music he’d play was along the lines of Rachmaninov or Beethoven. Beautiful and fascinating, but often melancholy, dark, and haunting. He would play more upbeat music at our weddings or when we all wanted to dance, but it wasn't part of his usual repertoire. This is the most I have heard him play happier music by his own choice. Edward has struggled much in this life, and his compositions reflect that. He really is brilliantly talented. It’s not fair that his nature precludes him from sharing his talent with the world.”

That was a depressing thought. To be someone who, apparently, is this brilliant composer, but no one ever gets to hear your work? It could be groundbreaking, or inspire other new and wonderful breakthroughs in music. But no one would ever know of his talent. No wonder the man was fucking depressed. Thinking over the times I’d heard Edward play, I realized I’d only heard the happier songs. He never played while Bella was pregnant, or when the other vampires started to arrive and the Volturi came. But ever since then, everything was gravy, and everyone was just glad to be alive and be together. So, all the compositions I heard him play were upbeat in nature. I wondered if he would play some of his darker stuff for me if I asked. I suddenly felt really bad for what Edward had been through in his life. I had to wonder if Bella even knew about the less obvious consequences to always hiding what you really are. 

“Bella knows, but it is a surface knowledge. She is too new to truly grasp the ramifications of forever, and the limitations we will always live with.”

Whelp, I guess I’d spoken aloud. But Esme’s response didn’t surprise me. Bella was very one-track-minded when she wanted something. She could only see her own reasons, and dismissed any opinions that opposed hers out of hand.

“So, Edward played miserable music— and moped and brooded constantly— because he thinks he has no soul?” I asked, trying to bring the conversation back around.

“That is what he believes, yes,” she answered solemnly. "He's never been able to see the positive side of our existence. But he has to have a soul. I've watched him support and respect the privacy of every single family member. He only meddled once, to tell me I should move on Carlisle, because he was never going to make the first move,” she revealed, chuckling.

“I thought he hated you.”

“No, I said he didn’t like me. But he was perfectly polite and pleasant toward me, knowing it wasn’t exactly my fault he was feeling badly. He also knew my mind of course, and was sympathetic to the abuse I had suffered in my human life." Hold up! Someone abused this woman? I couldn't wrap my mind around the possibility. She continued, not noticing my surprise. "So, Edward didn’t take out his anger on me. But he was very cold toward Carlisle. I think he nudged us in the right direction just to free his own mind of our tumultuous thoughts! Then again, once we got together, our thoughts became much worse, which I’m sure he hadn’t anticipated.”

We laughed together, although mine was a little forced. I didn’t want to think about Esme and the doc together like that any more than Edward did.

“Anyway,” Esme resumed, “yes, he thought he was soulless. I think now, he is starting to doubt his convictions, but he truly believed he was just a monstrous creature that didn’t deserve anything good to happen to him. And it was that way for decades. I constantly worried about him. We all did. Of course, he hated our pity. When Bella came along, she was such an immense relief to us all. When he left her— for her own protection, he said— I was against the idea. I knew it would tear them both apart inside.” Unfortunately, I couldn’t disagree. I’d seen the empty shell Bella had become. 

“When he thought she had died, and he went to Italy to get himself killed…” Esme trailed off, looking for all the world like she might cry. She took a deep unnecessary breath to steady herself, but did not finish the sentence. “When Bella flew there to save his life, I think that was when he began to believe he might have a soul after all. Of course, I always believed he did, right from the beginning. You simply cannot compose music of any kind if you don't have a soul to feel it with. Edward has a soul, he has to, to be able to love and protect a human girl so completely. And to not kill you when you tried to steal his girl!”

We both laughed heartily at that. It was funny, but we both knew it was a funny tainted with the remnants of our past hostility.

“Edward is one of the strongest people I know. I'm glad you've decided to get to know him.” 

Esme turned back toward the stove and lifted the lid on the sauce. She dipped in the spoon and held it out toward me. “Taste?” I leaned forward over the counter and had a taste. I couldn't help but groan with delight. She smiled. “I guess it’s ready!” 

She turned off the burner under the sauce and tossed in the strained pasta, then served up a bowl and placed it in front of me. Taking a spoonful, I was delighted to find little meatballs in the sauce. “Wow, thanks, Esme, this tastes amazing.” 

She beamed and I ate a few mouthfuls before she spoke again. “I hope you'll speak with Edward directly. I have a feeling you two could be friends, if you give him a chance. He may seem like he has a tough exterior, but on the inside, he's a caring, thoughtful man. We all love him and put up with his teenage angst for a reason, after all. I hope you'll take the time to discover those reasons for yourself.” 

With that, she patted my cheek and left me to eat in peace. Or it would have been peaceful, if I didn’t have so much to think about! Esme was right, I had now spoken to everyone besides the man himself. I wondered if it would be as weird and awkward as I was imagining or if it could be like Esme wanted, us building a tentative friendship. After all, I now understood much of his backstory, and could sympathize with what he had been through, and in some ways, will continue to go through for eternity. But there was a missing piece in all of this. I wondered if he would tell me what he’d done, which Carlisle, Rosalie and Esme had all referred to, or if I would be left to ponder and imagine what horrors he may have committed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the delay, everyone. I’ve been battling some terrible migraines this week! This chapter had been previously started, and the final chapter is only a bunch of notes, so there’s a lot of work to do. That being said, the feature is NOT dead, Angela! I hope to have this story completed sometime over Thanksgiving weekend. I’m not going anywhere, after all…


	7. Chapter 7 -Edward

Conversations  
Chapter 7  
Edward  
Jacob POV

After I gorged myself on Esme’s delicious Italian cooking, I passed out on the big couch in the living room, the stench of vampires that permeated the house no longer bothering my nose too much. By the time I woke, the sun was up, so I headed over to the cottage to say good morning to Ness. I noticed that Edward’s scent was faded, like he hadn’t been there in a while, and Bella confirmed he wasn’t home when she opened the door. She said he’d stayed out in the woods when they’d finished hunting, presumably to wait for me. Since Nessie was still sleeping, I decided to take his bait. My conversation with Esme was still fresh in my mind, and I wanted to know, once and for all, what happened when he disappeared the first time. I knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant, that it was probably going to aggravate my wolf. 

Edward had killed people, I had no doubt. Before, I wouldn’t have waited for explanations. But now, knowing so much more about what shaped Edward into who he was, I knew there was something missing still, something he seemed willing to share with me. Edward wanted me to know who he was; if he didn’t, he would have put a stop to this somehow - told his family not to talk to me, or confronted me directly. Edward didn’t have any problem confronting me – the conceited, confident teenager in him worked in that way. But that was before. We both knew we were forever tied, and we had to get along. It seemed that by meeting with me today, after I’d spoken to everyone else in the family, he was showing that he wanted me to see him as an individual, not as a former rival. Edward wanted me to know him like he knew me. Like he knew everyone.

I let my wolf come forth and searched out his scent. As his scent grew stronger and I got closer, I began to recognize where I was, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. I phased just inside the tree line and got dressed. Edward was standing in the middle of a meadow filled with the green of early April. I walked out to meet him, stopping a few paces away.

“This is the only place I know where no one will be close to us,” he told me. “We can talk freely here, and I won’t hear anyone’s mind but yours.”

It dawned on me then why I recognized this place. Back when Edward was gone, Bella had come here and encountered that dreadlocked bloodsucker Laurent. Lucky for her, the pack was already on his scent trail and we were able to rescue her. Maybe this place had some kind of significance to them. Why else had she come all the way out here to the middle of nowhere. 

“Thank you, Jacob. For being here and protecting her when I didn’t. I can never thank you enough for keeping her safe.”

“Er, sure, no problem. So, I guess you know what I’ve been doing?”

He snickered a little. “Of course I do. You are pretty good at hiding those particular thoughts from me, but some of the others are not so good. Some don’t even try to hold back. So yes, I’ve known for a while.”

“And you’re not mad I’ve been asking around about you?”

He shrugged. “Not really. I was curious too. About what they’d all say to you about me.”

“Were you surprised?”

“Not really. There's something they all left out though, the darkest part of me.” 

Oh, so he was just going to cut to the chase then. “Your disappearance.”

“Yes.” 

“Where you killed people.”

Edward looked down, ashamed. “Yes. I’m not proud of it, but I did have a reason, if you’ll let me explain.”

I bristled at his attempt to justify murdering innocent people. His reason seemed pretty clear from what Esme told me. “You were jealous, right? Some sort of revenge on Carlisle for kicking you to the curb?” I spat.

“Well, yes, sort of. More like, I was displaced. Shoved to the side, rather suddenly and without asking me what I thought about adding another person! It was never even a thought that crossed Carlisle’s mind. I felt a deep sense of betrayal.” He shrugged. “Maybe that sounds selfish, but Carlisle was the one that made me what I am, and I was his charge, like it or not. Suddenly I was the odd one out, living with a couple newly in love, and I had to hear their every thought. And their thoughts rarely were concerned with me,” he added pointedly. “I became more and more isolated and alone in my own home. I knew they didn’t mean to ignore me, but it still happened. My resentment for Carlisle grew exponentially.”

That was understandable to me. No one liked feeling left out. 

“As angry as I was at Carlisle, I felt some affinity for Esme. None of what was happening to me was her fault, not really. She was a fragile creature in the beginning. She told you about her son?” I nodded solemnly. “Well, she had also escaped an abusive husband, and I experienced the memories of the horrors he committed on her. The thought of that man laying his hands on her fueled the rage that was already building within me. Eventually, I decided to leave them and branch out on my own. I could no longer stand to be around the two of them and their minds, I felt betrayed by Carlisle and disgusted with Esme’s husband who often invaded her thoughts. So, I left with a plan to find that man and end him.” Edward’s expression was fierce as he remembered this vile person. I was totally wrapped up in his tale. “Charles Evenson was the first human I ever killed. And I liked it. I liked that I rid the world of such an evil person. And I liked how human blood made me feel, how it made me more powerful and how the burn in my throat was completely extinguished.” 

I tried to hide my shock at how candid he was being with me, along with the disgust I felt at the obvious pleasure he got from killing. He didn’t respond to my reactions though, lost as he was in his memories. “Esme was avenged, and I found a sick sense of retribution, going against Carlisle's teachings. It felt like karmic justice. So, I embraced the monster and set him free, thinking I would never return and destroy the happy couple’s perfect lives. Surely, I was just a burden to them. I convinced myself I could use my ability to be a normal vampire, and to still respect human life by ridding the world of the human scum that plagues society. I believed I was performing a necessary service. In my mind, I was still continuing Carlisle’s philosophy, while also rejecting it.”

He glanced at me and could see the horror on my face. He looked me dead in the eyes as he said, “I've been the monster, Jacob. But I have him under control, tightly bound. I never want to be that again.”

Edward looked really serious and I chose to believe him in good faith. After all, this happened when Edward was new, and I had loads of evidence in the decades that followed to prove his commitment. From his first encounter with my people, to his many stints in high school surrounded by his supposed prey, to everything with Bella, he never had a slip. Aside from Bella, his mind reading probably helped a lot. 

A look of relief crossed his face at my acceptance. “In truth, it did. That’s where my ability came in handy. I was more able than others of my kind to see humans as individuals, fellow sentient beings. And it played a huge part in my rebellion.” He sat down on the grass and motioned for me to do the same. My legs were starting to get tired, so I appreciated the gesture. 

“You see, I knew which people were truly bad. The rapists and murderers and pedophiles.” He grimaced as he remembered them. “It was so easy to feel like I was doing a good thing, like the avenging angel of death.” He laughed humorlessly. “But I didn't realize the consequences, Jacob. I may have dispatched only the most rotten men, but what happened to those left behind by my victim? Even evil people have families, and many were already impoverished. This was in the 1920s, so the loss of the male of the household would have devastated the family. Eventually, I became too rash in my verdicts, and I made mistakes, misjudging what I heard.” He quieted for a few moments before continuing. “What I was doing was wrong, even if I was killing people who deserved to die. Am I God? Who was I to decide who lived or died? I didn’t want to be a monster. I wanted to go back to the old way, the way that let me hold on to some humanity. I had to grow up and return to Carlisle, to feel like myself again. I came home like the prodigal, and Carlisle accepted me back without hesitation, even though he knew what I’d done from the color of my eyes.”

“He missed you terribly when you were gone.”

“I know. I hate that I did that to him. He made me, so in his mind, blood on my hands is blood on his.”

I was lost for more words. Stunned by his straightforward, non-evasive confession, I was even more surprised that I felt no negativity about his past. Hell, if I could know for sure who was raping kids or kidnapping people for human trafficking or beheading people or something, I wouldn’t be sad to see them dead. I thought Edward was being too hard on himself, really. It wasn’t like he was randomly murdering innocents. It was kind of noble actually.

Edward glowered. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I’ve done, Jacob. It was NOT noble.”

I shrugged, not wanting to argue the point. “So, you had to ‘grow up’ to come back and be Carlisle's son?” I chuckled.

Edward laughed softly. “I meant I had accepted my new place in the family. We didn’t use the son cover story until a while later. I played the role of Esme’s brother, and Carlisle’s nephew before Esme joined us. Once I decided I didn’t want to be a traditional vampire, I knew the only place for me was here. And I was still pretty young and there was nothing stopping me from thinking I’d find a mate of my own one day. Of course, nobody expected it would take so long to find her!” I couldn’t help but laugh, and he smiled in return. “I was much like Carlisle in that respect. He waited for over three hundred years to find his mate while it only took me one century to find Bella. But Carlisle was a wanderer, a lone nomad. He didn't have the pleasure of being in a coven full of perfect matches while he waited.” 

“It must've been hell,” I sympathized.

He sighed. “I spent a lot of time outdoors, alone. I can't even begin to explain how soul-crushing it is to always be on the outside looking in at your own family. To see and hear and feel every bit of their happiness, but never have it for myself. I withdrew, but I tried not to show it. I projected contentment to protect myself from their pity, which was definitely worse than just being on the outskirts. Of course, once Jasper came along, he saw right through me. He kept it to himself though.” 

Jasper was good like that. He never revealed people’s feelings, just like Edward never spoke of people’s thoughts. “If you had to be exposed to their feelings for each other, at least they were happy, I guess. Imagine having to live the Sam-Emily-Leah painfest.”

He smirked. “I suppose I am glad about that. I did have to put up with Emmett's endless teasing and Miss Hale's spite for ninety years and counting though…”

“Riiiiight. Rosalie said she was changed for you.”

Edward huffed. “Well, Carlisle never said that aloud, but yes, he did. Incredibly foolish way of trying to make amends. He's a very wise and thoughtful person, but he's still human, so to speak, and acts impulsively at times. Usually only when creating a vampire, it seems!” He laughed heartily, shaking his head. “Wow, that just occurred to me, after all this time. Ahh, funny, not funny. But yes, Rosalie connected the dots. That's why she likes to needle me so much.”

“It's too bad it wouldn't have worked between you.” My heart actually kinda hurt to think of how alone he was for so long.

He sighed heavily. “Thank you, Jacob, but the truth is, I’ve always been alone. Even when I was human. It was common at the time to have large families, many siblings. But I was an only child. My mother had another baby, but she was born sleeping. Her name was Margaret.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“I was only three, it’s okay, I don’t remember. Then there was some complication right after birth and my mother had her uterus removed. She could never have any more children, so she poured all of her mothering onto me. I had anything I could ever want, and she impressed her passion for piano music on me. I have the right hands for it,” he declared, holding them up for me to see the long, slender fingers, “so I was pretty good. She wanted me to be a concert pianist. Father wanted me to be a lawyer, like he was. Follow in his footsteps. But I just wanted to break free from their wishes for me. I wanted to be a hero and fight in The Great War. A lot of boys wanted to. We didn’t know the horrors of warfare, we only dreamed of glory.”

I could not imagine Edward in WWI uniform with a rifle, gunning down Germans or whoever. What the actual fuck. My stomach dipped like I was on a roller coaster as I realized how old he was. It was so easy to forget when he looked like a fucking high school senior, eternally at the brink of independence. This man could never do anything substantial with his life, he’d always look too young to be paid any real attention to.

Edward’s lips thinned as he tried not to react to my thoughts. I guess that meant he didn’t want to go there. “Just so,” he confirmed. There were a few awkward moments before he sort of laughed to himself. “Anyway, back to the story, hmm?” I motioned for him to proceed with a nod.

“My father loved us and showed it by working a well-paid job. But the consequence was Mother and I didn’t see him much. He’d often get home well after supper, so I saw him for around half an hour each day. And usually he was tired from work. So, we never did much as a family. It was just Mother and I.”

“Didn’t you have any friends, cousins?”

“No, my parents didn’t have any siblings that made it to adulthood…” That gave me pause. Damn, it sucked so much to be alive before medicine was really good. “…but I had two friends that I sort of remember. I don’t remember their names or faces, but I know I had those two friends. I only ever saw them at school though. Evenings were for supper and homework and weekends were for piano lessons and maybe spending time with Father. So, yes, we were friends at school but didn’t see each other outside of it. In any case, it was just me and my mother, mostly.” Edward shifted, resting his arms on his knees.

“When the pandemic hit, schools were shut down across America, but a few cities kept their schools open. Chicago was one of those cities, and that was where I lived. So, I went to school, and Father went to work, and one of us ended up bringing it home. We all caught the flu and were hospitalized. Father died first, but Mother and I held on longer. Carlisle was our doctor. He fought to have us in beds next to each other. My mother had a way about her… she could make anyone want to help her. It was her green eyes - they just captivated everyone. I had her eyes…” He trailed off, seeming to search into the distance before continuing. “When it became obvious that we were not going to pull through, well, I’m sure Carlisle told you about my mother’s plea?” I nodded, and he shrugged. “That’s how my path crossed with Carlisle’s. And we’re about to have a visitor.”

Before I could really comprehend that last bit, there was rustling in the brush on the west side of the meadow. The sound was getting louder as the speedy beast came closer. My skin rippled instinctively.

Edward gave a deep sigh. “It’s Rosalie.”

Just then, a blur streaked across the field and the woman herself appeared in front of us, a hand on her hip and one eyebrow raised as she smirked at Edward.

“Excuse me,” Edward said with contempt, “we’re trying to have a private conversation here...as should be evident by the location?”

“Whatever, dear brother. I just wanted to make sure you were being transparent with the wolf boy over here. Have you told him your truth yet, Edward?"

“He told me,” I declared, annoyed by her interruption.

She gaped at me. “And you haven't torn his head off yet?”

“Well, for one thing, I don't think Ness would like it if I killed her dad, and besides, Edward didn't hide anything from me, he told me everything.”

"I thought it was in your blood to kill human drinkers, mutt!"

"Oh, were you hoping for my death, Rosalie?" Edward growled. She smiled serenely at him, which really got under my skin.

"Blondie," I cut in. "It's in my blood to protect my land and tribe, not to avenge the deaths of people who died before you even became a vampire. I'm grateful for Edward's honesty."

Rosalie was really irritated now. "Well, I’ll have you know that I am the only one in this family that has never once tasted human blood. Edward hunted humans every week for FOUR years." She tossed her hair over her shoulder and gave Edward a haughty glare. "Really, Golden Boy? It took you four years to say, ‘Gee, maybe I’m doing something wrong here’?”

Edward let out a long-suffering sigh. “I was in turmoil, Rose. You don’t know. You weren’t there.”

“No, I wasn’t, but I am not blind, and I can infer enough what happened. Esme came between you two. That much is obvious to everyone. It’s not a secret, did you think it was?” she asked with mock-concern.

“Well, no, but…” His exasperated expression changed quickly to one of outrage. “That is absolutely ludicrous, Rosalie, and you know it!”

“No, come on. Out with it.”

“That’s not how it happened. You make it sound like we were together!”

“Weren’t you?”

If Edward could flush red, he’d be a beet right about now. “No! Carlisle and I just… had each other’s backs, like family. We didn’t need anyone else. But… I was naive. I didn’t understand how powerful the mate bond is.”

“A likely story, Edward.” She aimed her glare at me and spat, “Chew on that, dog.” Satisfied she had the last word, Rosalie turned on her heel and blurred out of the clearing. We listened as the brush rustled in her wake.

Our gazes met, and I decided to ignore Rosalie's ridiculous implication. "Damn, she's a real peach, isn't she? Starting rumors, just trying to stir up gossip about you…”

“Always." Edward shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm used to it. It's best to just ignore her. If you don't give her attention, it gets worse for a few minutes, but then it stops.”

“Like a classic bully,” I snorted.

“Precisely. Until the next day, anyway. Then it starts all over again.”

Shaking my head, I said, “I am honestly super impressed that you made it through all those decades without going completely crazy.”

“I'm not convinced I did!" We had a good laugh before he sobered again. “You know, when I met Bella, I finally found a good reason to keep going. I never wanted to change her though. I didn't want this life for Bella. I knew how much influence the burn in your throat has, and I didn't want her to have blood on her hands, like I do. Little did I know how special and strong she is. Apparently, the struggles of the rest of us don't pertain to her. Bella thought I was perfect, and even now, knowing my past, she brushes it off. But now you know I am far from perfect, and you see me for who I really am. A monster.”

“No, not a monster.” Edward looked up sharply, and I felt I had to qualify my statement. “Obviously, I don't condone what you did.” He nodded in understanding. “But I get why it happened, and I also see how it damaged you. It's not like you're going to go there again. No, you're not perfect, but who is? You learned from your experience, and that's really the most anyone can ask for.”

“You're very wise for one so young. You remind me of your great grandfather.”

“Emmett said the same thing. But please, it’s weird. Stop comparing me to someone you should have never known.”

He laughed and ran a hand through his unruly hair. “Sorry, but it’s true. You’re a strong person, Jacob. I want Renesmee to have a childhood right now, but in her future, I know she’ll have a good life with you, that you’ll protect and take care of her. For that, I am immensely grateful. I told you before, on top of that mountain, that I’d sort of like you if you weren't my natural enemy. Well, you're not my enemy anymore, and now you really know me for WHO I am, not just WHAT I am. I know what a good person you are. And in a strange way, I'm glad you're still in my life. I hope we can be friends now.”

“We can't be friends, Edward,” I said in a serious tone. He looked surprised, then a little crestfallen. Smiling, I reassured him. “We can be family.”

He returned my grin, agreeing, “Yes, we can be family. But, speaking as your future in-law, when Ness is old enough, you will take a page from my book and let HER make the decision whether to further your relationship, like I did with Bella. And if she agrees, well, we're going to have to figure out how I can be around the two of you without wanting to wring your neck for having inappropriate thoughts.”

“Oh, dear God,” I groaned. “I hadn't thought of that.”

“After a hundred years of hearing that sort of thing when I absolutely didn't want to, I can't help but anticipate that eventuality.”

“Maybe Bella can shield our minds by then...IF Ness chooses me.”

“Good man, Jacob,” he said, clapping my shoulder. “Good man.”

As we stood to go rejoin the rest of our family, I looked forward to a new comradery with my former enemy, the truth laid bare and the future shining brightly before us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And this fic is now complete. Guys, I can’t even tell you how hard it was for me to write Edward and Jacob this way! My regular readers will know that my stories usually have them paired up. I kept having to retrain my brain - (no, do NOT say ‘and then they kissed’...lol) Although I did throw a nod to Carlward, if you noticed. I couldn't resist! I'll be finishing Cast Aside before 2020 ends. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed my foray into canon. Writing anything involving Renesmee and Jacob’s imprint isn’t really my cup of tea, so this was a real challenge! I hope you enjoyed it all the same. I’m returning to my non-canon pairings world now, lol! (But you never know, I have a few more canon ideas. Keep an eye on Metamorphosis, my collection of origin story one shots.)
> 
> Extra special thanks to Devora13 and Jessica314 for their unwavering support of this story. Lots of love to you guys <3
> 
> Drop me a line and let me know what you thought! Reviews are like oxygen...


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